I have a guy. Greg. Greg’s my social media/website/online presence guru. I give him ideas of what I want to write about and he offers commentary and guidance.
Sometimes, he gives me ideas, which I wholeheartedly embrace … mostly. Of late, he’s told me to “write more about sex” and “write something for leap year.” And, here we are.
When, where, why, and how did pleasure get such a bad rap?
Can we please, PLEASE stop that nonsense?! Physical pleasure is one of the main reasons we’re here on this planet. Sexual pleasure is, in fact, the entire reason we’re here on this planet. Without male orgasm, there’s no ejaculation, no sperm/egg meet-cute, no morning sickness (well, we could all do without that), and no cuddly baby to love. And the female orgasm…dear lord, if we could harness that power!
So, how do we get to a place in ourselves where we run full-tilt toward what feels good? Not just allowing, but expecting, chasing, and cultivating sexual pleasure? When can the words “better than sex” just go away, because we’ve come to realize that nothing is better than sex? Don’t get me wrong, I’m a chocolate-cake-loving girl, but if it’s better than sex? I’m thinking I need to up my game in the bedroom.
Make Leap Year Your Year
Leap Year has historically been a time when it was OK for women to take the lead in romantic relationships. Think Sadie Hawkins dances. Think women proposing to men. Think a movie starring Amy Adams.
Maybe this Leap Year, we can flip the script a bit, and encourage us all to jump into a better relationship with our own pleasure.
Emily Nagoski wrote what was, for me, a world-altering book, entitled Come As You Are. In it, she writes about how we all have a dual-control system governing our sexuality, much like the gas and brake pedals in a car.
Each of us has our own unique set of things that push our sexual gas pedal
We each have our own triggers for our sexual brakes and gas, and she writes that a big key to finding and embracing sexual pleasure is knowing what turns your on’s on and your off’s off. What are your individual, unique brakes and gas?
Maybe a messy kitchen sticks in your head, and you can’t stop thinking about the crud on the counters. Maybe the idea of the children needing you and you being unavailable keeps you on high alert, and unable to drop into your body.
You have to find what gets your motor purring.
Taking care of the things that get in the way of melting into pleasure is smart, but it’s not enough. Sometimes that means spending some time with your own body, learning just how it operates. Nagoski’s book offers lots of good ideas, as does the revolutionary website OMGYes.com. You should really check out this site.
Sometimes, that means spending some time with your partner, learning what makes you both breathe a little harder. There’s a saying in the therapy-world, “You can’t take someone somewhere you’ve never been,” and it is so applicable to sex!
How can you tell your partner what turns you on if you don’t know yourself?
How can someone who is NOT you, know you? Exploration, openness to new experiences, willingness to take risks…if those aren’t qualities to embrace in LEAP year, I don’t know what are!